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old scenery ………. recent events ……… new climate ……….

Filed Under: life, love, state of mind, urban — Scarlet Moon — 3 Comments
March 7, 2010

i’ve been avoiding to write on my blog for the past months simply because i didn’t knew what to write ……..

i had two attempts i couldn’t completly diminish and after a while i posted them …….

at the end of my post i called my new boyfriend “biker boy”  due to his passion for bikes, and my former boyfriend “X” ……….   it may seems lame or simply common but i chose the ordinary “X” due to our chemistry ………. we are not a couple any more but we agreed that we want to be friends considering we know eachother for a while and we don’t want  to throw away all the hard work we’ve done in the past year trying to know and understand the other one …….. and now, even though just friends, the chemistry between the two of us is still there, in our discussions, disputes and behaviour …….. it’s like a twisted bond we can’t remove, we know who we are and yet we still have a surtent tension ……. it’s our “thing” ……… our way of understanding one – another ……….. so for the “x” factor that stirres up our friendship i call the guy who resembles me in temper, pride and  stubborness “X” ……….. how would you call him?

about “biker boy” there’ not much to say …….. he’s a cute guy, kinda sweet, funny and definitely not a stress factor, therefore everything i want right now ………. unfortunately he’s “in love”  but i don’t quite share his feelings ……….. after an one year relationship could you love again in just a few months?!? I can’t and kinda got borred/a little bit annoyes when i see his face blocked on “in love” mood ……… can you make a guy snap out of this phase without hurting him? ’cause i feel bad i don’t share his feelings and on the other side what the f#*& did i do to get this?!!!   ……. well, at least i got the type of relationship i was looking for …………. it should comfort me more than it actually does ……………….

at least the storms in my head went away and i see a little bit of sunshine ;) :D

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drafts ……..

Filed Under: life, love, pain, state of mind — Scarlet Moon — Comments Off
March 6, 2010

december 8th  2009 

 ……….. i feel like letting go ……….. i feeling like holding on ……. i don’t know what i want …… i feel comfort by his side …… i feel i can’t suffer by the other one’s side …….. i’m in between ……… i want love ………. i don’t want love …… i wanna feel that he doesn’t matter …………. i can dream of both ……. i can make it happen ……….. but i don’t know what i want ……….

 

december 21st  2009

so i chose the guy i’m with for an year …….. i kinda started to regret my decision ………

the last week spent with the other one was too short, i started seeing that he is somenthing, that i can’t leave him without regret as i thought initially  ……… damn it!

so i spend my time with my boyfriend and there’s something wrong, it doesn’t feel quite right …….. it’s like he’s not what i wanna feel, something is missing …… maybe the other one’s company ………. fuck!  just his company and maybe just one hug ……….. i enjoy talking and laughing with the “imature, suicidal and rambunctious guy” ……………

but i don’t know what to do ………. maybe i’ll try these 2 weeks to make things right with my boyfriend, now i can only hope i will also succeed ……..

 

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let’s call my exboyfriend ” X ” and my current boyfriend “biker boy” to ease the story tellin’ …….

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emotional dilemma ………………..

Filed Under: life, love, pain, state of mind — Scarlet Moon — 1 Comment
November 29, 2009

99% of couples reach a moment when one or both of them sense that something is gone and i’m not talking about the euphoria, i’m talking about love, the thing that keeps us together ……….

what are you going to do then? if both of them want to put an end to it they either try one more time or simply leave ……..

but what if just one of them wants to end everything …….. then we have a problem :D   after a long period of time nothing is quite easy, much less ending suddenly ………… what if the person who wants to end it feels tired, on th e verge of loosing one’s self? what if they still have feelings for the other but not quite love ? damn it! life just couldn’t be more complicated …….. maybe they try to come up with a good solution for both, that’s not easy either ……… one of them will surtently be unsatisfied with the result ………….

what if, after a lot of fights the one who wanted to give up gives the relationship another go, conscious  that she is still fighting to get her way because she still cares …….. maybe she realizes that, in the end, everything will be ok ………

when your heart stops you from walking away then there is still something there …………… the hard part is finding it …………….

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the power of love ?!?

Filed Under: life, love, pain — Scarlet Moon — 1 Comment
November 8, 2009

http://bestiutza.haipa.ro/2009/10/29/teme-de-gandire-pentru-el/

love can make us feel that all else doesn’t matter, that the world is made of candy and chocolate …. but after the euphoria passes we learn that love is a relative feeling, relative because we can have different definitions of love at different ages and according to our past and education ………

how are we going to behave when love becomes bitter ?   are we going to give up or blindingly stuck it up?

maybe you’ll say “to hell with it!”, maybe you will act like nothing has changed or the s#@* just isn’t there ……. but it is and if you are not that cold to give up on a part of you,of what was once everything you will fight for “you” [as a couple] ……. but this is just the start of a bumpy ride ……..

men usually have a bigger ego and don’t let go or forget as easily as women do …….. we, the female gender, tend to forget a lot more than them, to look the other way in a lot more cases and any of these insignificant things that make a difference in the appearance of the “perfect couple”  because if we judge and make a scene for any little thing they will go crazy and say that we’re just exagerating, that it’s not as bad as ma make it look ……… it’s insignificant because they are the ones who are making mistakes, but when we do it everything  is 10 times as worse ……..

what if he has an ego the size of an appartment building …… then we have to own a mountain of patience to explain to them that the lady bird actually has dots …… our battle will seem endless and, if we hit rock bottom, and see that everything was in vain we are the ones who will suffer the most and who will curse the day when we decided to give love another chance ……… then we can at least hope have a friend on whose shoulder we can cry and help us heal ……

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leaving a job ……….

Filed Under: life, state of mind — Scarlet Moon — Comments Off
October 7, 2009

so I left my job because I wanted avacation before school starts and I’m thrilled to catch up on some sleep …… and yet I miss my job …… strange feeling ……. when you want to leave and finally accomplish it you are left with a regret sometimes or just the void that the job occupied but slowly the void disappears or he void is imediately replaced with another job …..

leaving a job implies leaving an environment you got used to and liked or hated it from the start and at the end you’re left with a bitter taste and a relief that all that is over ….. the work environment has a big impact on the productity of the office or firm and it’s a concern that not many managers treat with the attention the matter should receive ……

leaving a job can also mean that you are heading in a new, hopefully better, direction representing actually a finality to all your hard work/ the reward you have dreamed about from the begining and maybe, along the way, you have lost all your hopes  …… 

on the other hand when you keep in touch with your former workmates it’s pleasant to know that you made a good impression and from a job you are left with friends, even simple people you can hang with or, in some cases, people that ow you a favor and will return it anytime and anyway they can ………

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constant changes ………

Filed Under: life — Scarlet Moon — Comments Off
August 26, 2009

when you engage yourself in an activity where there’s teamwork you meet different types of people ……. you start to know them, they start knowing you and then they leave  ………. sometimes you are left with an empty space inside you cause you invest time and even some feelings [like friendship] in your relationship with them ……… but then someone new comes and you start comunicating with them because you may want to have a more pleasant working relation with them, not wanting to have a stiff, cold atmosphere at work …….. after a while they also leave and you find yourself at a new start with yet another new colleague ……..  you can’t not stop to wonder if there’s something wrong with you or with the job ……. why can you do it [ not perfectly but satisfing] and they can’t or don’t like to continue working there for motives like ” i like to work alone”, “it’s exhausting” [ you can't argue that it isn't but you manage to finish your shift pretty good and then drop dead in your bed of sleep and tiredness] ………. this constant change can get tirring or even boring that you kinda lose the energy to start all over with someone new as energetic or welcoming as you did before ………..  you may even ask your boss “why doesn’t anyone wants to work with me?”  and a response like “if they aren’t cut for the job/they can’t do the job right ….” might confuse you a bit cause if you [ a small, not very strong physically or energetic person] can do it why can’t some who seem stronger than you can’t ……. so, yet again, i’m waiting for a new colleague that maybe, this time, will last more than the others ………….

 vih7wn1

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love …..

Filed Under: life, love, state of mind — Scarlet Moon — Comments Off
August 2, 2009

love …. a feeling or just a state of mind?

i think each and every one of us can give a different definition about what they think “love” means …… some definitions may appear similar but not completely because we can have different points of view …..

it is a standard concept of  “butterflies in your stomach”, “head in the clouds”, “adrenaline rush”, “heart beating faster” and many more …… yes, these are the normal initial simptoms but when the elation/euphoria disappears what are we left with?  is the thrill of getting to know someone all we seek and afterwards, when there’s not much more to find out, we are disappointed or consider the relationship to be just “a thing” that doesn’t give us the same satisfaction it once did and it’s not worth pursuing any more?

i think that, after the euphoria passes, we have to do an autoevaluation of  our feelings, thoughts and goals concerning the man/woman we’re with and analyse what we actualy feel for him/her …….. was the joy of  discovering them our one and only goal/pleasure and now we want something new, a new experience to feel again the euphoria or we still like him/her and want to continue the relationship because he/she is what we want ?

i believe that the true value of  a relationship is what we feel for eachother when the “butterflies” vanish ……….. if you fell more affection or even love for the person you’re with than that’s what you crave for, if not (if  there’s nothing more you want for him/her or your relationship)  it’s just a relationship by force of habit without any real satisfaction in long term, something you do to keep yourself busy, a psychic input of  what love should mean but it’s just a voluntary and conscious illusion that you autoinflicted upon yourself  to give you the impression you are happy when you’re actually not ………..

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a compromise we should make ?!?

Filed Under: life, love — Scarlet Moon — 2 Comments
July 11, 2009

let’s assume that you are in a relationship ………

what do you do when your partner wants to get intimate but you don’t?

the first thing that comes to your mind is to refuse him, right?

but what if you know that he satisfied you when he wasn’t not really up to it because he was tired  …….. do you think about giving it a world or are you selfish enough to refuse him completely?

is this one of the things we should make a compromise for our relationship, for our loved one thinking that we might enjoy it?  what  if he reaches cilmax and we don’t?  we feel frustrated and make him feel bad about it or realise that we took a conscious risk of not reaching cilmax and don’t make him feel bad?

i think it depends on us, on the man we are with and the type of relationship we’re in …………..

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to blog or not to blog ………

Filed Under: life, urban — Scarlet Moon — Comments Off
July 5, 2009

so …… it’s trendy/cool and s#@% to have a blog …….

but is it really just one of our social unimportant needs or does it really have a good purpose?

some of us are shy and can’t express themselves any other way, some don’t have any other easier way to blow some steam and some just enjoy writing and want to show anyone who’s interested what they think and feel …………..

there are so many purposes we use blogs for …………… where do you fit in?

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